How to handle Father’s Day ?
Father's Day is coming up and just like Mother's Day, this brings up so many challenging emotions. It can be a difficult holiday for single parents – especially when it’s the first time that their children will be celebrating without their parents together. As the mother, it can be really confusing as to what your role is if in the past you always planned Father's Day with your kids. (This can be true for father’s if they were the ones used to planning, but I will be using this example.)
The key is to think about what's best for the kids. If your kids are old enough, you can empower them to talk to their father about how to celebrate this day and make their own new traditions. Ask their father to just give you the times of pick up and drop off and then do everything in your power to release all control.
Remember that this holiday can exacerbate feelings of loss, failure, grief, or anger for newly separated and divorced dads. Those who will be apart from their kids for the first time on this special day may be dreading it. Children may also be missing their usual Father’s Day rituals – like bringing Dad breakfast in bed or the whole family grilling together in the backyard.
Dan Couvrette, Publisher of Divorce Magazine says “Take a moment to reflect on the fact that as a father, you have a responsibility to set a good example for your children every day – including on Father’s Day. You should celebrate in whatever way is meaningful and satisfying to you; whether or not they’re with you, you should mindfully work at being an inspiration for your kids.” Father’s Day is different when you’re separated or divorced, but “different” doesn’t have to mean “dreadful”. Divorced fathers can choose to surrender to sadness, or they can make an effort to find ways to enjoy the day – whether or not their kids will be with them. (excerpt from Surviving Father’s Day After Separation or Divorce: 7 Tips)
The bottom line is, father’s need to step up and plan something with the best interest of their kids. They can meet up with their family or other single dad friends to create new traditions. Mother’s need to let go and let the father’s and the kids make their own memories.
Do’s for a Single Mother on Father’s Day
Do encourage your children to spend time with their father on Father’s Day. Keep any negative feelings to yourself until after the children have left so that they can enjoy a guilt-free day with their dad.
Do step aside for the day and allow the father to shine, even if only for one day.
Do make sure your children – if they do not reside in the same geographical area as their father, or if Dad is deployed or working overseas – contact and speak with their father. If possible, connect them through some video conferencing, Skype, Facetime, or a similar application that allows the children and their father to see each other while they’re talking.
Do have the children create a Father’s Day card and/or encourage your children to make a homemade gift for their father.
Do take time for yourself and enjoy some quality time with your family or friends. Make plans that don’t involve the children, such as brunch, a movie, or a spa day with friends.
Don’ts for a Single Mother on Father’s Day
Don’t make plans or schedule other activities on Father’s Day that would deprive the father of the opportunity to spend time with the children on Father’s Day.
Don’t disparage or otherwise denigrate Father to or around the children. This tip should apply year-round – not just on Father’s Day
Don’t prohibit the children from spending time with or contacting Father on Father’s Day.
Don’t allow the children to dictate the terms of their timesharing with Father over Father’s Day.
Don’t despair: Mother’s Day occurs in May, so make sure these same do’s and don’ts apply for your special day when it comes around each year!
Thank you Divorcemag.com for these great tips